That's what she said

A serious post: Hammering, tsunami and lone boat against erratic and doppelgangeric enemy.

2011-03-27T21:00:00.001-07:00

After quarter century of life I have came to the conclusion: The destiny is bent on making me do things that I do not want to do the most. This is infinitely harrowing given that I do not have predispositions for the most aspects of the life and the ones I do have are really strong. When those bonds are broken it's as painful as pulling out live nails. I tend to take life as it comes for the most parts. Still there are few aspects which slip through the cracks and I would have a strong preference for certain things not to happen but I will be damned if they do not happen. I am damned whatever way you cut it. It feels like constant gnawing at my heart by blood sucking leeches. May be it is my ego being drawn out of me. But why? Is it trying to tell me that I can't have strong preferences? But why not? All I want is few things not in a certain way. I am not saying that out of ten possible outcomes I want only one to hold true. I am saying that I want only one to not to hold true! I am open to other nine things FFS! Law of probability says 90% of the time I should not be disappointed. In my case it's pretty much guaranty for the larger than life disappointment. Why it always seems that situation would pan out in a highly specific fashion just so that I have to do the exact specific thing I most certainly do not want to do?
Recently I was involved in a discussion of the existence of the god but this highly specific turns of events forcing me to accept the every single dislike one by one makes me anything but doubt the existence. It feels like somebody is making sure of the slow and painful deflation of my ego into the tiniest dot or of the any sense of aversion towards anything. Again why? WHAT FOR?

I guess everybody has their fare share of so called griefs in their life but that does not console me. Not right now anyway. May be never. All I want is strength to bear the exact results that I wanted to keep at a bay to begin with.

Keeping it in perspective:

I am not sure the magnitude of the anger and resentment that is reflected in my post. It is kind of big, I admit, but if I compare myself with the people like women in Congo (I watched "Ruined") then I have gotten off way easy. The big part of my anger/ resentment/ disappointment is directed towards myself. The thing is that I could have acted differently. In fact I mediated that I was not going to do that but I slipped for an instant and of course all that matters now. The fact that negligence of one instant trumps vigilance of every single instants before than that is hard to absorb without feeling hopeless. Still I refuse to give up the hope. You can call me hopeless romantic for the perfectly rational and deliberate behavior on my part at each and every instant. I am going to keep plunging through bitches!

This post is here so you don't have to look at the last post.

2011-02-25T11:16:00.000-08:00

Let's go!

१. I would not mind if they bind Kesha, Katy perry and pink together as whip and use that to whip the horse. Sometimes uncontrollable, loud weeping is the only release from their awful music.

२. I think the lyrics of the song Sex and candy are worse than awful. Not because its mention of sex but there is no tangible common thread from line 1 to 2. Yet I can't stop listening to it. Melody ah melody!

३. What kind of music I like I don't know. I like hip hop and R&B but not all the songs from it. Oh and awful lyrics make me throw up. I have been trying to figure out which exact genres I like but no success yet.

४. It is kind of random, no actually totally random. I completely love one song from the genre or even the band and really hate the next from the same band, same singer, same genre. Even if they are really similar. I am trying to find a pattern in the type of music I like. Nothing yet and I am really good at finding patterns. (Seriously so far there is no problem where I was given series of number and I will not find out in what pattern they progress.) So far it is all over the place and nothing overlaps. I think If I can solve this mystery I'mma figure out the universe. It looks like both have equally large number of variables affecting the final behavior/outcome.

५. Today's pop music is like fast food, cheap, fast, made from the machines to be identical to the last one and generic tasting yet addicting. For the first few days anyway. Then you start noticing its cheapness, awful taste and bad effects on your body. So you stop. You come across the same song after a while and cycle repeats itself.

६. Radio is a torturing device. They play same songs over and over until you want to rip the radio apart and throw away.

७. I hate Neo, Jason derullo (not looking up the sp.), pink, (and bunch of other hip hop artists) and some specific songs like poker face from Gaga. Those songs come on the radio and mercury of my rage-ometer goes sky high.

८. I listen to mainly 4 music stations. Two being hip hop and pop, one everything and one oldies rock. The two hip hop station and one everything stations have conspired against me. They all play same songs at the same time. I try to change the stations when one of those songs come on one of the stations and other two are playing that exact same song! Damn it! One of these days I am going to call them and make them pay for it.

९. Commercials! for god's sake! I think they have hidden agenda of making people deaf. Loud and repetitive! I am not going to buy a damned mattress even if you pay me for buying it! Alright? I will sleep in the dirt, on the concrete road but won't buy it from you. If I really want it I will make sure that I will buy from somebody who have decency to not to scream and keep saying the 800 number for 25 fu*** time! I am not going to remember it If I don't want to, you loud, obnoxious idiot.

०. Yet the radio is the reason I love driving!

ZOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOoooooooM!

Did the title make you think that this one is going to be better than the last one? Ha! At least it's not graphic!

Can I charge my uterus for assault and battery?

2011-02-13T16:20:00.000-08:00

Question to my dear readers; Do you have an organ in your body that is bitch of every other organs?
I do. and it is intestine. My intestine is every other organ's bitch or punching bag. (foot note: Here intestine means large and small intestines and stomach collectively. I am sure nobody will die from this little inaccuracy.)

It works like this: Say one of my organs is having a bad day. It needs a glass of stiffy before getting to work. Now it, being an organ, can't have a stiffy so what is does? punches intestine. Sometime a single punch is not enough so it keeps punching until it gets what it wants. Case in point: Uterus. Every month it needs to shed skin. What it does before getting to work? Kicks intestines in their gut (ha!) of course. It is like if I am going to have to strip myself off skin I am going to punch somebody. That somebody is always the intestine, because it is everybody's bitch yo!

Case in point # 2: My wisdom teeth. They were trying to get cozy in my mouth even though there is no room at all. So of course I had to get them straight with bunch of antibiotics and pain medication. What they do? Punch the intestine till it crashes to ground and can't work anymore. Yeah right now my intestine is battered to the consistency of mashed potato and is dying slow death but those wisdom bitches are not done yet!

I am certain everybody has a punching bag organ who takes every other organ's abuse. What is yours?

Apology?

2011-02-10T13:20:00.000-08:00

I don't think I have too many readers or somebody hangs on my word here. That being said I want to apologies for not keeping promises about posting here. It is not that there is nothing happening in my life but quite contrary, way too much is happening. Blog posting gets pushed away every time something else comes up.

The biggest offenders being my wisdom teeth. They have been harassing me past month and half. I had two weekends where I did not do anything but sat and groaned at my sister. ( And yeah surf internet, duh!). I could not get appointment with dentist because I wanted to change it to a new one. Apparently that's bloody murder per my old dentist and insurance company.

Then finally took them to dentist. He prescribed some antibiotics and Vicodin. Of course I had trouble buying them. Pharmacy/Insurance blah blah! (My wisdom teeth issue follows Murphy's law religiously, that is the only explanation I have)

It took a week to get them. Finally I got them. Took one dose and had horrible reaction. So bad, felt like those medication had some personal vengeance against my body. Told you Murphy is the supreme god in my wisdom teeth universe. I have new medications. We will see how it goes.
Anyway point is that I am sorry for my tardiness. You might not see too many updates in coming month or two. I have decided to be responsible and not to make false promises. Not to even my imaginary readers.

Paneer Bhurji

2010-12-01T13:39:00.000-08:00

It is here! This curry demands hard work but it's worth it. If you are
like me you would delegate all cutting/chopping.grinding parts to somebody else and still claim the credit for the dish. ;)
Ingredients
paneer 150 gms.(homemade or packaged)
3 onions
5 tomatoes
2 fresh yellow corn cob or 1 bag frozen corn kernels
2 potatoes
2-3 garlic cloves (if you want really strong flavor go with 4)
3 chilly
2-3"Ginger
3 tbs vegetable/sunflower/corn oil
1 tbs red chili powder
1/2 tbs cumin seeds
1 tbs cumin powder
salt to taste
lemon zest

If you want to be adventurous like my sister you could make paneer at home. she just heats up the 3 cups of milk on stove and when it comes to boil she adds half to three quarter worth of lemon juice. I tried to get exact proportions but this the best she could do. When curd starts separating she turns off the gas and takes paneer in paper napkin and squeezes out water in a strainer. This does not give nice little cubes like packaged paneer but it works for this recipe. Caution: it won't look as pretty as packaged paneer.

ok the Bhuraji part:

Pressure cook/Microwave potatoes and corns or alternatively use frozen corn. Then microwave only potatoes.
Microwave potatoes: Dent the potatoes with fork and microwave it for 3-5 minutes/potato, depending on size. When skin starts peeling out it's done. peel them and cut into cubes. I prefer pressure cooked potato.
Chop up the onions in really small pieces. it needs to be small, no cheating allowed. If you don't want to chop onions you could just grind them in a blender with little water. keep aside.
Chop up tomatoes and grind them to make puree (I don't like taste of canned puree in Indian cooking, tomato puree is quite easy. little messy, yeah.)
Chop up ginger, chillies and garlic in fine pieces, no cheating. Again, you can use ready made paste too.
Take a heavy bottom pan, heat up the oil, add cumin seeds and wait until it starts spluttering.
Add ginger-chillies-garlic and saute it for about a minute.
Now add onions and saute it until transparent.
Add tomato puree, keep stirring for about 4-5 minutes
Add all the seasonings, red chili powder, cumin powder and salt.
Add potato and mix it into the sauce.
Add corn and paneer to it. Stir it frequently so paneer is broken down in fine pieces, almost like in grain size.
Cook for about 7-8 minutes more, stirring it frequently.

Additional options for you:

Use the bag of mix vegetables instead of potato or even with potato. I hate green peas so I can't use frozen mix vegetables.
Substitute soft tofu for paneer. I hate tofu too. This will make it VEGAN! Huzzzah! If I did not love milk-tea, butter, yogurt, cheese and hate Tofu, I'd go vegan. So yeah no chance of going Vegan in this life time.

It makes an awesome dish. What's more it provides protein in a same dish! No need of cooking dal or leaving out protein from your diet.

DareDumbdevil Part-II AKA saga of missing exits..

2010-11-27T22:18:00.000-08:00

Go, read the Part-I first, I will wait right here.

My parents are at the airport at 6:30 pm instead 7 pm. My Mom is in super panic mode.

Back to freeway: I will give a snap shot of what were the next steps: I have to get on the CA-24, go through the tunnel. Then I have to get on I-580W then on I-80 then on 101 S. Now I-580 and I-80 are tricky ones as there are three freeways that merge and separate out at that particular junction. You really have to top of on your game to get into the right one. You might have to go through four lane changes in a half mile starch if you are not in the right lane. Not surprisingly at all, this stretch is also the busiest stretch.

I have made some progress getting in right direction. He says take next exit for Ca-24. I miss it. This time at least I knew that I missed the exit. I tell him. He goes ok, get off at the next exit and we will figure out the way. We did. I am on Ca-24 W now. I entered the tunnel and actually came out on the other end! OMG! The joy I filled at that moment was monumental! I thought I was on the top of the world sitting in my red coupe looking down at pathetic peasants. Glorious, victorious moment!

You see, my never-driven-to-SFO-not-even-as-a passenger- ass thought that after the tunnel airport is just an arm length away. It was as erroneous thinking as believing lady gaga the fashion goddess.

Presently I am back on 24 with help of Jay and nameless fameless roommate. Heading steadily towards West. Jay tells me to take an exit for I-580W, I took it. I go about 3 miles and Jay asks me if I see the signs for I-80? I don't. I look at freeway sign. Somebody has changed it from 580 to 880! Suddenly I am on 880 instead of 580. Yeah you can laugh.

This time he does not even have to tell me to get off the next exit. I head towards the next exit as I am entering the diversion for the exit my car stopped! The fucking rental stopped in the middle of the exit entrance! I tell Jay, the car stopped! He is like, What?! Then he goes, turn it off completely and try starting it again. I know, he is a patient guy. I do. Nothing. His roomamte asks to check if the gear is it in Park? It is. Try again. Nothing. He says check the dashboard for instrument lights. The dashboard is as dark as new moon night. He says try again. I do. Nothing. We repeat this cycle for 10 full minutes. I am totally panicked now. Cursing myself, car, freeways signs, airport, planes, steering wheel and the darkness. I realize it is 7:30 pm now and 10:30 pm at Jay's. I think about my parents. First day, nay, first hour on the other side of the globe at the airport. Are they happy to see something new and exciting? No they are worrying to death about their headstrong daughter's safety. Is she ok? Where is she? God help her. oh god. Oh god.

I am vaguely aware of cars passing by me and the last one being cop's because sirens were blaring. Now that was the one of the Oakland's (USA's fifth most dangerous city) exit. Suddenly I hear knock on my window. It is a cop. He sternly tells me to move out of the way. I tell him in a broken voice that my car would not start. His face becomes a book that I can read. " I should ask her for legal documents. looks too young to drive. What if she does not have any? I will have to arrest her. (right?) I need to chase that rapist/serial killer guy. what if I waste time with her and the murderer gets away and I am judge for my bad judgment? she looks scared, potential risk of accidents! oh fuck it!" He tells me to get out of the car and asks for the keys. He gets in and turns the keys and I hear the engine roar! It started! Waves of emotions hit me like a Tsunami. YAY! (relief, joy), The SOB started?! (anger) At the first attempt?! (pain and hurt, It was a tide on its own.) Oh I must get out of the way (haste). I get into the car, tell Jay. Hear muffled laugh.

I forgive you Jay and the roommate guy.

I get onto the street. I am looking for gas stations now. I decided this long distance driving direction thing is not working out. On a side note, I cannot fathom for my life how long distance relationship would work from this experience only. Basically same thing but on thousand times big scale. Anyway I found the gas station and asked the gas attendant for the direction towards SFO. It is bit different than what Jay was telling me to do. But I trust the local guy. I repeat the directions couple of times to make sure. I am always so thoughtful.

I get on the freeway. Drive for about half an hour. Jay is still on speaker phone and I tell him about pleasant CA weather. I see signs for the airport! I am ecstatic. Suddenly I read the sign, "next two exits for OAKLAND airport". OAKLAND! He gave me the directions for the Oakland airport instead of SFO!

I bet you were not prepared for this twist. Nor was I. I thought how bad it would be if I get into accident and die right here. My parents! What they will do? At least they will be famous for having the stupidest daughter in the world. They told me later that they came to term with the situation at about 8:30. They just stopped thinking about the outcome. Kept looking at every short, Asian girl eagerly.

I tell Jay that I am heading towards the wrong airport in a almost crying tone.He says it is ok. We will figure it out. He is the nicest guy. We repeat the wash, rinse, repeat cycle and finally I get onto I-580W. I never missed any exits after that. I got onto bay bridge and eventually on 101S and then to the airport finally. It was 9:45 on the west coast and a new day in NY when I finally parked my car in the basement. I found my parents. They were dumbfounded for a minute. Oh and I think Jay said Namaste to them because he refused to let go the phone until I am in front my parents. Thanks Jay for being such a good friend.

Yeah, you can judge me in the comments.

UPDATE:
My sources told me that this one started as a nice funny story but then morphed into a mushy, emotional story. Sorry about that. To make up for that I am working on a post about system's shenanigans to make you lose your way. That will be funny.
I promise I will update my blog every weekend too.

DumbDaredevil Part-I AKA I will drive and you can't stop me!

2010-11-25T20:36:00.000-08:00

Driving adventure Part-I

I think world is ready now to hear my driving foolhardy. It was May of 2008. My parents had decided to visit me in US for the first time.

I had acquired my driving license in December of 2007 in Texas. My friend taught me driving in about a week. More accurately he taught me to pass the driving test. I practiced with him on the route of the test. I mastered every nook and cranny of the test route. He taught me parallel parking too. Parallel parking in an exact test location by marking the nearby tree and trashcan as indicators for starting the turning in reverse and so on. So I got my license barely passing the driving test but scoring A+ in written test. The inspector said that the only reason she is not failing me is because I have such high score written test and I was visibly scared.

I moved to Ca next month in a former roommate's house temporarily while I look for my own apartment. It took me about four months to find the satisfactory place close to BART (public train system) station and in a decent neighborhood. I did not have a car yet.

The plan was to fetch them from the SFO in a BART on Sunday evening. I decided to pick them up in a car from the airport on the Friday night. I think it is necessary to mention that the last time I had driven was on driving test.

I woke up Saturday morning took the bus to rental pace and rented a car. I know I did not have to rent the car until Sunday morning but I am not that thoughtless. I wanted to hone my superior driving skills before surprising my parents.

I drove around the town and did not get into any accidents. My spirit was high. Decided to go to the local shopping center with a crowded parking plot. I am driving and driving and driving at 15 MPH in the parking lot. There are high and narrow bumps at every few feet to discourage speeding.

I was thrilled at the prospect of picking up my parents in a car. What pride they will feel! They will be like oh our little daughter has grown to be a superwoman. She has her own place with a TV and couch and she came to pick us up! My mom would be like I can't bear this joy I must cry. I was prepared to hear the sob but instead I heard loud screech. I was like Mom! what happened to your voi... And i realized that it came from my tire. I stopped and got out of the car in the middle of the parking lot to see what had happened. I was driving close the curb and curb had torn my tire. I had no idea what to do next. A gentleman came and asked if I had an insurance and I remembered that I can call rental company's road side assistance. They changed the tire

This incident had damped my spirit a little. But only a little. I am not going to let a simple tire failure to deter me from making my mom cry. Out of joy of course. I decided to let my dad know that I am going to pick them up in car instead of BART. I think that was the brightest moment of that whole weekend, still not bright enough to stop me from plunging headlong into infamous SFO traffic and tricky array of freeways to get there.

My dad knew that he won't be able to make me change my decision so he did even not try. He only asked me to be careful. He decided not to tell my mom to not to worry her. I had never driven the car in India. So their worry and eventual pride both were totally reasonable.

The Sunday morning came even before the crack of the dawn. I could not sleep out of excitement. I wrote down the directions and waited it to be 2 o' clock. They were landing at seven in the evening, if I leave at two, I should be there at six per google. Then I left. I started out pretty good. I am following directions and waiting for the next step.

It is 4 o' clock now but I do not see any sign of bay bridge. I see signs for San Jose! It downed on me I must have missed the SF exit and I am heading towards San Jose. For non bay-areaens, SFO is in west and San Jose in South. You start at 680 S and take westbound exit for SFO. I pulled over at the side of road. Did I mention that I did not have GPS? Yeah you see I don't like the things easy way. I am in the car thinking, now what? I was not cursing myself yet.

YES! I decided to call my friend Jay Patel in NY. I thought I can tell him my approximate location and he can go on internet and get me back on track. I call him, tell him the precarious situation I am in, he did not believe me at first and is totally silent on the other end. Finally he told me that I was really brave to do this. Yeah he could have a nice career in politics. I mean that in a good way! as a diplomatic person! Can you believe I have to clarify that? Shame on you politicians!

So where was I?

Oh yeah. He had a better idea. His roommate had GPS. He said that he is going to stay on the phone with me and give me turn by turn direction until I reach to SFO. Picture this: A headless (metaphorically) nervous girl in a car, phone on speaker mode, (of course I did not have a bluetooth, you guys should be oooh! and aah! about the turn by turn directions without GPS instead of being critic, ok?) on Northen CA freeway trying to get the directions for SFO from the guys huddled in a apartment somewhere in upstate New york. Only 2500 miles and three time zones between them.

I told them I was on 680 S, somewhere close to Dublin/ Pleasanton, (Yeah I still remember the exact patch of the 680 I was on, whenever I pass it, it gives me goosebumps) He goes you have to be more specific than that. I said ok, I got into car and drove until I reached to the numbered exit. I tell him the number of exit. He finds that on google maps and then feeds the location to GPS. Meanwhile I am driving in rightmost lane at 40 MPH still southward. Cars are zooming past by me on the left. Some drivers contended at giving me death glare only but some had to flip the middle finger and shout obscenities at me. I am getting more and more agitated. I am now cursing myself for missing the stupid exit. Not for deciding to pick them up on impulse. Not yet.

He found the route finally. He told me to take the next exit and got me on the other side of 680. I am on right track again. It is now 5 o' clock. He says you will reach there at about 7:30. I said no biggie. He was like but your parents will worry. I am like I don't know what else I can do except reaching there as soon as possible. They did not have cell phone. Their fight landed early. They used the pay phone to call me on my cell phone. I am on phone with Jay. I saw unknown number and ignored it.

My dad finally told my mom that I must be driving. My mom jet speeded into panic mode. She was like are you kidding? You must be kidding. Why did not you try to stop her? She is crazy, not you! You knew this? Why did not you tell me? My dad said: this is why. That is all he has to say.

If you think story is almost over then, my friend, you are quite mistaken. There is a whole roller coaster ride in my trip.

Rest of the adventure in a Part-II.

I promise I won't take as long as I took in posting first part. Actually I am working on the second part right now.

I won't steal empty cans...

2010-06-29T09:03:00.000-07:00

I have to share this. too funny to let it go unheard.
So I exit out on the street from my apartment, there is this hobo in front of me with his cart full of empty cans and other trinkets. The side walk is too narrow for me to pass with my bike, this guy and his cart. Street is lined with car so I am trying to figure out how to get on street, all the while walking in his direction. I notice this guy is staring at me intently. I am little uncomfortable so I wished him good morning, he replied GOOD MORNING DARLING with the enthusiasm of a cheer leader. finally I found little room between two cars to get out and he was right there so I had to walk around his cart to get out, I am mid way through and he jumped on my side with covering his cart with his hand as if I was gonna steal those precious empty cans! ha! I was startled at first but then I could not resist and laughed out loud and he stared at me some more and started to yell but I just hopped on my bike and ran away.
I don’t know what I did to experience this. ok, I tried to get in the bathroom before my sister even though she had to leave first but that’s not that big of a offense, right?
ok, I promise the next post will be my driving adventures in Ca. I swear!

Holi: "funny brownies"

2010-06-07T15:28:00.001-07:00

Good morning toastmasters, today I will talk about my favorite festival Holi. It is the best festival in the whole wide world! What a boisterous thing to say! Right? Well, That's what Holi is about, boisterous, rowdy fun. Holi is the festival of cool colors, tasty treats, frivolous fun and for the lack of better expression “funny brownies”. Yes you heard that right! Even with this carefree demeanor the underlying message behind Holi is universal brotherhood and love. First I will tell you the story behind the message and then we will take a look at celebration itself.

Once upon a time young Krishna asked his mother that why Radha, his girlfriend, was so fair and he was so dark. Yashoda, his mother advised him to cover her in color and then see. Of course Radha sprinkled the color back on him and that cascaded into everybody spraying colors and water on each other. Lord Krishna made this as a part of the traditional harvesting festivities to signify love and unity.
India is a conservative place with a palpable class and gender distinction. Holi defies all these social and cultural restrictions and bridges the gap between man and woman and between all the layers of social strata.

Holi is a two day festival. It begins on the first full moon day of spring. The first day is a traditional celebration of new harvest. The bonfire is ceremoniously kindled in the moonlight and people walk around fire singing songs. The fire signifies the cleansing of dirt and filth.

The second day celebration is the reason Holi is known as a festival of colors. The day starts with power pack breakfast of dates and milk. Then people don their most worn out clothes as they won't be able to wear them ever again. Then they arm themselves with colors and water guns. The celebration begins with the family and is mild enough, just a smudge of color here and there. No water yet. As the day gets brighter the braver family members go out and form a group. First they sprinkle color on each other and then water gun fight begins, when everybody is thoroughly soaked in water the group ends the fight. The groups prowl through streets to find a new groups to have water gun fights. As the day gets warmer and warmer celebration gets wilder and wilder with water. The kids throw water filled balloons on unsuspecting passersbys If you resist the result could be as dire as being hosed down them with the a garden hose or even being dunked into pools. As the Sun reaches to the pinnacle people drenched in colors and water gather up in open space where a pot of buttermilk is hung 20 feet high in the air, goal is to break the pot without stones or sticks. This sight is something to behold. Sea of kaleidoscopic faces forming a human pyramid and trying to break the terracotta pot. It's a pure euphoria.

Speaking of euphoria, what would be the most appropriate subject other then? any guesses? Yes! “funny brownies” Frivolous fun is so much woven with the Holi that it's the only time when it is socially acceptable to use drugs for recreation, even in the dry state of Gujurat! Cannabis Pakora, that is deep fried fritters and cannabis thandai that is almond and milk drink are consumed throughout the day. You know how you would crave oily fatty after big downfall, Holi food is prepared with that in mind. It ranges from tongue tickling mint chat, to savory yogurt fritters to cold, creamy thnadai to mouthwatering curries and flat breads. The day ends with total exhaustion and food coma.

In the closing I would say Holi is my favorite festival for three reasons. The first is obviously kaleidoscopic colors and splash of water in scorching heat. Ahh good times! The second is the shear variety of food, sweet, spicy savory food. The last one is, how altruistic message of love and unity is blended into seemingly a rowdy show of indulgence. Thanks!

confession of a cheater

2010-05-09T16:41:00.000-07:00

So we went to Laser tag few weekends ago. Apparently one of my friend had gone before with this group and he had fun. So he invited me along this time but he bowed out last minute. I went anyway. Thought, what the heck, I would make new friends a least. I did not know any of them. This is very important later in the entry.

Laser Tag: It's a high tech version of Hide and Seek with 40 people playing at a time. You get a harness, laser gun and a chip to insert into your gun. This chip keeps your score on namely, how many times you were tagged and how many time you tagged others. You go into a dark, maze like room. You choose a hiding place and try to tag as many people as you can while moving further deep into the room. oh and you try not to tag by others. Harness have four receivers: front, back and two on shoulders. You get highest points if you tag the front receiver and lowest if you tag the back, shoulders are somewhere middle. [Laser tag people won't tell you any of this until after the game by the way] oh I know! Patience my dear patience! I will tell you in a minute how and whom I cheated. We had decided to play two games. I never had played this before so I was like hide and seek, meh! They recited us rules but I was too busy thinking one of the guy indeed was wearing flamingo pink jeans?! oh and the attendant guy had a cold so I did not understand most of his introduction speech. Who cares about it anyway! You go in, point your laser at people and have fun! They actually do care. The Laser tag guys keep your score and upload on the big screen outside for all to see!

Now I was given a chance to choose my tag name. Foolishly enough I had chosen oi! so everybody knew the only person with negative scoring was me! Daymn! Negative scoring! 5 people whom I never had met before were judging me like a piece of candy! and a piece of rotten candy was the verdict at that!

One of the guy(A) asked me in all seriousness that why did I get negative scoring. [Yeah I love to be a chocolate flavored candy corn, you know] He insisted that I should not get negative scoring it's kinda bad looking. [duh?!] Yeah he was a real charmer. He also showed me piece of paper with tips, that was his score card! So It is actually a very serious business. They hand you score card! huh! I thought this this was a game?! and I was suppose to have fun! He tried to analyze my score card which showed that I was hit by 50 people! [Out of 40] My score card said that I did not kill anybody but my gun made this really cool zapping sound so I thought I was killing people. Turned out laser gun makes zapping sound regardless of hitting the receiver or not. [Really intuitive, right!] I played it cool. A kept showing me all "rules" and "tips" from that damned score card which I ended up tearing up in his face [I did not say I kept my cool forever, alright?, Jeez!] and he left me alone. So I bore those snickers and doodles for 15 more minutes, they said this was the best game they ever had. Yes of course! The second game started and I was determined not to get negative scoring this time.

This time I went in first, I did not care if 10 years old wanted go in before me. [I was the last person to enter in the first game because I let all kids go in before me] I found a corner and started killing all the entering people. Rug rats or senile 60 years olds, you are going down if you choose to enter into oi's path of destruction. [Insert evil laugh here]

Suddenly I heard those snickers again and I felt I need to do something. I acted fast. I removed my harness and put on one shoulder in such a way that so nobody can tag me and positioned myself in a dark corner, never moved from there and tagged hell outta everybody. One guy (B) from our group saw me with my harness on one shoulder and he was like: "aha! so clever of you! Don't worry I won't tell anybody." I was like: "hey what are you talking about dude? oh harness! It was too heavy and hurting my back [it really was] so took off to get some fresh air ok?" I probably had receivers blocked for 5-6 minutes, [ok 7-8, alright! alright! no more than 10 ok? stop looking at me! Jesus Christ!] out of a 20 minutes game. I put on my harness back and finally after ages the game was over and we went out to see our scores! I was in first five! omg! everybody in my group almost kissed my feet. All I wanted was not to get negative scoring and here I am being interviewed to the death by A on how to get high scores?! He was like,"wow! give me tips too. You are so awesome." oh and B kept appearing around me with a knowing smile. I think after 20 minutes of insane praise he could not hold it anymore. He appeared besides me and casually mentioned that some people had cheated with their harness on the one shoulder. He tried to hint people that he was talking about me by side way glances towards me but one of the guy was like" "I know right! C(The highest scorer guy who was not in our group) had his harness on shoulder, I saw that" Ha! Poor B! oh sorry, I am not suppose to be happy here.

I can not bear this pain of being a cheater and I have decided to come out clean by confessing to you guys. This cheating has haunted me day and nights. I lost my sleep, appetite, and comfort. oh by the way I hear that that's how you feel when you fall in love? Really?! Anybody out there can confirm this? I mean I will hate to loose my sleep you know.
There you go, you have a confession of a cheater. Do you cheat on something that is not a professional competition, something that suppose to be fun past time? [Not that I support cheating in professional competitions!]

The chosen one!

2010-04-13T21:38:00.000-07:00

Short post. Basically a tweet.

I am buying a bike and they are paying me to ride one!

So one fine morning State called me and said: You are the chosen one! You are a good person and we want you to save the environment! I said: well, I do want to save the mother nature. They said: There you go! We knew you are the one, from the minute we had a glimpse of your name in ~~in our applications~~ amidst thunder and lightening! go! get a bike and report to us, o'chosen one! I said: well, fine. if you insist. They say: Do not despair o' chosen one, we will pay you 49 cents/mile and compensate for accessories! I said: Mother nature is precious we should save her and sigh left me. They said: o'chosen one for you, and only for you! We will pay for your public transport expense too!

Mother nature loves me and I love her back!

Pat on my back!

Thank you!

yeah, yeah, there are fine prints like this is a starter incentive for three months only, reward/compensation are limited to $100 maximum and I have to sacrifice two Saturdays but who is counting teeth of donated cow? not me!

Why Google Book Search project is Evil....

2010-04-10T12:14:00.000-07:00

Acronyms:
GSBP: Google Book Search Project
AAP: Association of American Publishers
BSS: Book Search Settlement

Imagine you are looking for some rare book, you can't find it in libraries, bookstores or even on Amazon. Finally you find it it on Google Book Search, and you are happy as a clam only to discover that you have to pay $10, 000 to get it! Yes that can be very real scenario if the GBSP continues as it is planned.
Alright! you are like we know you just want to make sensational statements for shock value. but, but, bear with me while I provide background.

GBSP is an ambitious plan to digitize the every book ever written and available in world's libraries. In 2004, Google started teaming up with some biggest libraries of English speaking world like NY public library, Howard, Oxford etc. to scan their entire collection in Google database, so far Google has scanned 10 millions books. The mission of the project was simple: to organize world's information and make it universally accessible. Sounds benign enough right? No, my dear sir, it's not that simple.

There is a copyright law for protection of literature.That says you can not use copy righted material without explicit permission from the holders except for fair use. Google initially planned to use only little snippets from scanned work in response to query. This would circumvent the copyright but AAP sued Google arguing that mere scanning of collection is copyright infringement. They (AAP) are not wrong because google did not seek permission of actual right holders. To overcome this problem Google struck up a deal AAP called BSS.
ok now Answer:
oh the question. Right.
Why the GBSP is evil?

The deal is where devil lies. So what happened here was: A cope caught a thief stealing a loaf of bread so he struck a deal with him: If the thief robs the next door bank too and shares that loot with the cop, he is good to go! ok, let me explain.

There are two class of copyrighted material in print literature and out of print literature or orphan books. These are the books whose right holders cannot be found. This deal awards exclusive right to google to use/sell these books as long as it shares profit with AAP. Yep you read that right! it's like legalized version of finders are keepers, but only finders have to share the item with the proverbial big brother, in this case AAP. oh and this settlement has class action status. What does that mean? That means right holders of the orphan books don't even know that their rights are being compromised in US court. Normally in class action status lawsuits affected parties are sent mail from the court informing them outcome of the lawsuit even if they never participated in the lawsuit. you guys have received such mails. Say one of the wireless service provider is sued for wrong text messaging charges by one of the customers and nature of the lawsuit is determined to be class action then the court sends mail to all the customer informing them about the lawsuit and outcome of the lawsuit. But here the original right holders can not be found to start with so they would not ever know that they do not own the books that they themselves published or wrote. As wrong and unjust it sounds, it actually is. you are like but I never wrote a book so why do I care? but my dear reader you are the bigger victim here because you (common consumer) will pay the price of monopoly.

In conclusion I will try to answer these three simple questions:
1. Is google as a company evil or unethical?
Probably not. Thanks to Google you can see your home from space, track swine flu(it was current when I prepared this speech but...i will say procrastination sucks) or figure out traffic congestion without paying a dime for it. oh and you are reading this because of Google. blogger is free service from Google. :wink:
2. Does google rouse suspicion?
Yes it does. There is this habit of tracking what you search for and take your contacts from your Gmail account make it public without ever consulting you(remember early version of Buzz?) [I had much more material on this one but I removed from the final draft to fit into time limit and my old laptop died without warning so I lost it all and more. again procrastination sucks people]
3. Is the GBSP and BSS evil?
Yes. It's awarding exclusive right of selling books to a single company giant! do I need to say more? No? but I will. :P

First and foremost, authors, the real owners/publishers are over stepped and common consumer is subjected to monopoly for millions and millions of books not just one or two. This sheer amplitude of the impact is nerve wracking itself. how anybody in their right mind can agree to something like this?

UPDATE: My friend told me and rightfully so that I need to say something about China-Google conflict. Well, I think Google is right on that one. I need to read more to form a detailed opinion.On surface Google seems right. also I am not at all anti Google, I think Google has show sportsmanship so far. I am anti monopoly though.

Avatar Review and Musing it awoke.

2010-01-24T19:02:00.000-08:00

Avatar Review Engineer's style:

Script/Story: 2/5

Imagination: 3.5/5

Animation: 5/5

Acting: 4/5

Direction: 3/5

Overall:3/5

Avatar Review, Scholar's style:

ok It's kinda late. I watched movie four weeks ago but was too busy catching up at work. When movie ended my reaction was [at applauding people] bunch of idiots! everybody was like ooh and aah! but frankly that was not the emotion it awoke in me. I would have felt that if story too was equally powerful as the animation. Look at those blue people and beautiful scenery of Pandora and you can't help but admire Cameron.

Let's start with story: he could done have lot better. What was the story about? A fool can see that it was the story about how Europeans had attacked and tried to destroy native culture of [Insert any country here] but with cheesy and totally BS end. They failed at it! (Europeans failed) If you are going to make it about real issues then at least keep it real. We are not toddlers that we need to be fed in form of baby powder flavored with different food, in name of real food.

You guys are like but no! he wanted to give message about how we are destroying our planet and one day we might be out of resources. In that case final message came across was: Even if we keep destroying available resources we will be successful in finding new resources by hook or crook.

Imagination: I gave 3.5/5 because it was not pure imagination it was tainted by real rituals of different cultures. For example Navi's prayer music resembles so much to Muslim prayer music. There was a mosque not too far from my home and it blared Adhan (call for prayer or announcement for namaz time) five times a day on loud speaker.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0929J-wYv44

As soon as they started prayer I was transported to my hometown. Then comes their ritual gestures to revive human grace. I swear that was like to be back in time namely in 17th century where people would believe in ancestor spirits and stuff. ok I need to explain: In Hindu culture there is a phenomenon called "mataji aavva" literally: materialization of goddess's spirit into human. here is the picture of Goddess.

When this happens said human gains superhuman physical strength and sometimes ability to predict future. It's quite difficult to restrain the man/woman in this condition. Normally this happens when goddess is angry at somebody about something and wants to stop that behavior. Like if some mother in law is being cruel to DIL then goddess will come into DIL's body and forbid MIL from being cruel etc.oh sorry! I ventured in wrong direction. so point was when "mataji aavva" happens said person starts shaking violently back and forth just like in Graces' revival scene Navis do. Disclaimer said phenomenon is a psychological disorder per Indian psychologists. you can guess that scene does not induce awe emotion. My brain was struggling between two totally different scenes it created in my mind. music was reminding of the mosque and scene was reminding me off person being restricted by 10 people and still in violent fury. I am pretty sure native Africans also can see some of their ritual being used as Pandora's own culture.

This is not imagination this is sewing of two cultures in worst possible way to create new, original culture. huh!!? even that sentence is awkward.

Animation: well it's 5/5 so nothing to say, except perfect, brilliant etc.

Acting: They got 4 because half of the actors are not real. The real ones have done good job.

Direction: It gets 3 because let's face it there was not much to be directed in the story, was there? Half of the movie is cartoon and for the rest of the part there is a bedtime story to be followed.

Overall: It's like a mediocre product in a very shiny and expensive packaging with extra oridinary and totally awesome accessory for the average product.

-x- review ends here -x-

while we were watching movie my sister asked why aliens always have to be ugly. I said that's a good question. I will answer you in my blog. That way I can be sure about at least one reader. ;)

My theory is we always imitate what we see in the nature when we create fictional world. (damn! this theory nullifies my argument about Cameron not being original but he failed at hiding his sources) Man is the most beautiful or symmetrical creature in entire animal kingdom. yeah when each feature is compared individually with different animals we fail but overall product is the best. So whenever we try to create a new creature we never can make it nicer than us. The other theory is in more than less movies aliens are bad guy, now bad guys have to be ugly. Navi's are not that bad because they are not bad guys but still they are not really beautiful either. The third theory is total destruction theory. continue at your own risk. (inner critic raises eye brow with gimlet eyes(holler to dear friend glo!) me: What?! oh, i never condemn being cheesy, inner critic: friking hypocrite!) The perception of viewer is relative, viewer would be my sister, may be she has ultimate standard for being beautiful is, Man. so any creature other than human is not as beautiful as man. Well that is entirely possible as narcissism runs in our family. :P (Champa, please don't kill me)

Any other theories? please put them in comments I would love to discuss.

oh and interesting fact: Avatar is a Sanskrit word, meaning Incarnation of deity on earth. Gotta give 10/5 for the title of the movie.

Authentic Kathiyavadii Sheera recipe with jaggery or gur!! hail oi! ;)

2010-01-22T20:28:00.000-08:00

ATTN: West coast people

Imagine it's raining cats and dogs outside and howling wind is keeping up with rain fairly decently You can't go anywhere in this miserable weather. You already have two cups of coffee/chai/Jack Denial in order to warm up. Now you want something to comfort you while you watch crappy reality television and keep your hang over at a bay right?

[Hang on for a minute, while I make east coasters miserable ok?]

ATTN: east coast people,

Imagine it's been snowing for past 4 days and there is a foot high snow outside. You just came in after shoveling your side walk second time in past 12 hours. Sucks hardcore, ain't it?

You want something hot and sweet and nourishing to your tired bones.

Well, mope not! I have a perfect dish for you. It's easy, it's fast and best of all you don't need to make a run to the grocery store to make it!!! I know! (ok it's true only for Indians, all my non-Indian friends please make a run to Indian grocery store before you start drinking/shoveling/being sad. My apologies.)

Without further ado here is Sheera recipe.

You can eat as dessert or side dish or itself if you don’t mind sweet dish as main dish.

Serves 2 people normally or 4-5 calorie conscious people.

Ingredients:

1 cup whole Wheat flour (make sure it’s not refined wheat flour known as maida)

1/2 cup ghee (clarified butter)

1/2 cup jaggery (substitute powdered sugar if jaggery is not available)

3 cup water.

optional: (you can use either, both or none)

1/4 cup almonds, thinly sliced (brings richness)

3 table spoon dry ginger powder ("Shunth" if you go to Indian store); (brings little hotness to this all around sweet dish, makes cold and cough go away);(my favorite version)

Procedure:

1. In a wok heat up ghee for about 1/2 minute. Lower heat add flour. Stir the flour with broad spatula continuously for five minutes so that it is roasted evenly.

2. Add either almond or dried ginger powder in to flour. Keep roasting the flour for 5-7 minutes more or until mixture is deep brown. (if you use non stick pan it will be around 12 minutes and you will require really strong arms, normal wok is recommended.)

3. Meanwhile boil water in a separate pan. now if you are using jaggery then add it into water, let it melt into water. If you are using sugar then no need to add it into water. Add the boiling water to the flour mixture slowly. Increase the flame a little and stir gently in one direction to avoid forming any lumps.

4. In 2-3 minutes water will be absorbed completely. Lower the flame, add sugar into mixture, if you added jaggery in step 3 then of course don't add sugar. Continue to stir for 2-3 minutes or until it’s mixed well.

There you go, ultimate comfort food is ready. It’s calorie count is really high but totally worth it.

It looks like this:

Picture courtesy: http://pedatha1.files.wordpress.com

how I embarrassed my IT department!!

2010-01-16T22:10:00.000-08:00

ok It was not my original intent to embarrass them but...
Our IT department updated our MSoffice to 2007 and screwed up the document managing program. It impacted me the most. Email war started between me and IT dep. They suggested bunch of solutions. None of them worked. I got pissed. Opened up my own eyes and the help files. did not find anything. really got pissed. this time actually opened the brain too. read coded error 55 times. found the clue word. plugged in the search bar of help files. found three relevant topics. read them. figured out solution. followed through. voila!
didn’tfuckingwork!
My heart said I am on the right track. Now read the error code again. nothing at all. so changed my attack strategy from help files to common sense. opened the property box try to find the program name. found it was wrong! changed it to the correct one. Now followed the steps I previously deducted from help files .
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It worked!
Called IT people. he saluted me! and told me to write down those steps and email him. turned out there are lots of people facing same problem in other offices too.
oh yeah we only have 50 people in our dedicated IT department.

Aamir khan as a collegian?

2009-12-25T11:23:00.000-08:00

3 idiots! oh that hype has scared me out of wits. I have not watched the movie yet. but the hype!! omg!

i am not sure if I want to watch it. The bigger the hype bigger the disappointment. ok now title(of the post dear) why I am so sure that I will be disappointed? because Aamir khan and R.Madhavan are playing collegians!!! Would it get any stupider than that? 40 years old people who should do art movies only are playing collegians. I know young Indians are not interested in politics that's why we have to endure 80 years old scrooges/stooges as politicians!!( oh yeah i know Rahul Gandhi is young but his qualification is his last name any surprise that he can't lead the country and please do not remind me that drug addict Rahul Mahajan who appears in some trash reality TV) but come on! can't you find young actors to play i don't know young role??

Engineer? who me?

2009-10-20T20:36:00.000-07:00

I would like to take you guys on journey on how I landed on engineering planet. From any angle you can not judge me as nerdy/geeky kind. Probably your average narcissist girl. ;)
When I was growing up I wanted to do so many different things. I wanted to become a stand up comedian, scientist, interior decorator, politician, journalist and an astronaut. Of course who does not want to be an astronaut? I would not entertain any idea for more than six months though. All these different ideas and none of them was being an engineer. I did not want to be an engineer. Our family had too many engineers and wanted to be something different. After all, It's me who sets the trend!! not them!
In the elementary school I wanted to be a stage performer or say stand up comedian. In any school event or family functions I would go on the stage and start telling jokes or even made up stories just about anything. I took part in school assembly plays as an actor and a director. People seem to enjoy it. As I grew up the performer in me started fading away and now it has completely obliterated itself in misty haze. I don’t know why.
Then middle school came and so did the distinction between theoretical sciences and social sciences. I was an average student until then but in the sixth grade I came first in the whole division surprising everybody, including myself! My science teacher told me that state have scholarship available if I want to develop my career in research. Scientist! I thought wow! That’s mighty impressive. I kept my valedictorian status for a next year and surprisingly my ambition too. but then I failed miserably in knitting/embroidery class. and There went my dream of being a scientist. Besides it was very taxing to maintain those high grades.
Then a new show started called reporter. The main character was a powerful female reporter. She would investigate different stories in each episode and would discover a shocking truth in the end. Very glorious job. And voila! I wanted to be a journalist. I even got a part time job at a local press. I had to translate articles for kids section. Of course they won’t let me do any investigation. Because: (a) I was just a kid (b) There was nothing to investigate. They got their stories from news agency like Associated Press. I realized: hmm this job is not glorious after all. I started losing interest again but seeing your name in print is quite addictive.
I had time until 11th grade to toy with my ideas. So I did. I heard impressive speech and I waned to be a politician. Of course I wanted to change the world. I went to carrier fair, my guide happened to be a architecture major and he said I could make world beautiful at least if not change it by becoming a interior decorator. How can I reject the idea from the cutest guy I had ever seen? ;)

Eventually 11th grade came. This was my last chance to make up my mind. After this my destiny was sealed in whatever carrier path I choose. I did not like biology so medical was not an option for me besides one needs very good grades to get into medical field. This left engineering or art/literature courses. In India there are not too many option in initial stage to choose from.My father knew my volatile nature very well. So he made me sit down and told me that I am good at language and history without much effort so I should take that direction. He also said that I have caliber but not enough determination for four long engineering years. This discussion made me realize that If I don’t focus I am not as good as I thought.
Those words were challenge to me and I took engineering as my major. I will admit I had very hard time keeping my focus but here I am today as anl engineer.

Much ado about nothing

2009-10-17T00:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know title sounds like a cheap paperback you’d read in the flight but it’s neither a frivolous nor a fiction. Zero played a crucial role in development of algebra, Cartesian co ordinate system and Calculus. In turn it is a very building block of physics, chemistry engineering and of course computer science. In this speech I will talk about what is zero, where it came from and why it terrorized the western world before it was accepted as a number.

So what is Zero?

Zero is a symbol of something that does not exist. And that’s how it is represented in a circular symbol. It is the indentation that was left behind when the pebble was removed from the send in old calculation system. It represents the void or vacuum. We do not realize but we use zero in two totally different ways, namely as a quantity and as a place holder. First use is all too easy, zero as a numerical representation of nothing. However, the second one is more symbolic than numeric. In the number 205, zero acts as a placeholder signifying that number 2 is in the hundreds place and there is no tens. It shows that 205 and 25 are two different numbers.

Now second question where zero came from?

Records show that by the second millennium BCE, Babylonians and Mayans had a symbol for a place holder in their place value based number system. However, neither of them used zero as a number. India was the first to use zero as a cardinal number. Indian Mathematicians Brhmagupta and Bhaskera developed rules for the use of zero in basic arithmetic by 800 CE. India introduced zero to the Arabs who shaped the modern day numerals and passed them, along with zero, to the Europeans in the 12th century. But, it was not until about 15th century that zero was accepted as the number in the western world Mathematics.
Now the third question, why Greeks or western world was so reluctant to accept zero?
There are two reasons behind it. First: roman and Greek numerical systems were not place value based so they had no use of zero as a place holder. The second reason is much more subtle than mere necessity issues. The use of zero as a number challenged western philosophy and religion. While Hindu philosophy had embraced the void, Aristotle--and consequently the church--had rejected it as Aristotle explained "Nature abhors a vacuum". Also acceptance of zero leads to its twin infinity. Now infinity has no place in the finite, revolving around the earth universe. Eventually Copernicus' heliocentric model of the solar system cracked open the nutshell universe of Aristotle and Ptolemy. Earth was no longer comfortably enclosed in the center of the universe and there was no shell covering cosmos. Universe went into infinity. Gradual acceptances of infinity lead to acceptance of void too. It would not be an exaggeration if I say mere discovery of zero as a number pulled western world into religious and philosophical whirlpool and finally lead to Renaissance.

So 1400 years after the discovery of zero can we say that now zero is completely conquered? No my dear friends, even today, zero continues to hold the terror for humankind. Not too long ago, the guided missile cruiser USS Yorktown was brought to a grinding halt because of a “divide by zero” error in its control software. And why Black hole scares us, it does not make sense to us because there are zeros in black hole defining equations. These zeros ultimately lead to singularity or zero volume. You can see that the fact that there is a mass but no volume to contain that mass is not easy to comprehend. Why is that? Because zero has no finite scope, it is almost like an amphibian between being and non-being.